Mystery of Porno
Postcard Punk Put to Rest.
June 21, 2001
After years of turmoil, tribulation, and
trepidation,the horrible battle of the Pornographic Porno
Punk vs. Mr Tree and the Wingnuts has finally coasted to
a stunning halt. All the questions have been resolved.
All fears evaporated. Case closed.
Now, with the good fight finished and their homes and
loved ones safe, Mr Tree and the Wingnuts can take a much
"We need the time off," said Soapy Argyle,
"Fighting crime isn't as easy as it looks. And
anyhow, I'm playing with Marty Jones and the Pork Boilin'
Po' Boys now. As a Pork Boy, I have new enemies to
Similar sentiments were relayed by Shawn 4-On through a
telegram from Mexico, "HAVING A DAMN BLAST STOP MY
NAME IS SHAWN KING YOU JACK ASS EXCLAMATION POINT STOP
I'M IN DEVOTCHKA STOP AND THE O-TONE BRASS BAND STOP HOT
Matt Shupe, the newest addition to the band had only this
to say of the closure of the case, "Have you ever
listened to NPR? That was ME singin' last week. ME! Don't
believe me? Go to www.thislife.org
and find 'Tornado on the Dance Floor.' I'm so glad EP has
Mr Tree is in a hospital, recovering from wounds received
in the apocalyptic battle between himself and the Porno
Postcard Punk. In spite of heavy sedation, he summoned
the pluck to say these precious words to his thousands of
adoring fans, "I'm shutting down the Mr Tree and the
Wingnuts web site on July 9. But our presence on the
internet is continuing with new live recordings and
outtakes from our CDs available free in MP3 format.
for them today!
Mr Tree then stood up on his bed, placed his hand on his
heart,and said, "Alas, the difficult journey is at
end. But not for ever. For we put the 'us' in HIATUS. We
may not have time to play together as a band for many
months. But rest assured, somewhere in the dark night
there is a party; and at that party, at least two
Wingnuts and perhaps a Tree will strum guitars and sing
over and over again, 'We're the Wingnuts. We're the
Wingnuts. We're the Wingnuts.' And I? I am Mister Tree.
Mr Tree then collapsed in horrible agony.
Speaking on behalf of the entire band, Steve
"Chief" Simmons said, "Thanks to everyone
who came any of the shows, especially the special people.
If you're still reading this article after nine
paragraphs of sap, you're truly a Wingnut and you've
helped create two of the best years of our lifes."
Simmons then added, "Look for me in the Adventures
of Captain Missiletoe featured in Starving Magpie."
And as for EP... Was the porno postcard punk really Jesse
Garon Presley, the Dead Zombie Twin of Elvis? Or was EP a
deranged female fan? Was EP a chicken? Could EP perhaps
have been a can of Fresca soda pop?
We've run out of space. But rest assured, we'll tell you
in the next Porno Postcard Update.
Don't forget to stock up on Go Bananas! The newest CD by
your favorite band. And, as always, you can contact
Mr. Tree and the Wingnuts
3430 Lawrence, Denver, CO 80205
or email at email@example.com