From: Strapping Danforth
Sent: Monday, March 12, 2001 1:18 PM
Subject: Pick-up for sale
Thanks for your offer of free advertising in lieu of payment. I'm trying to sell a pick-up. Please run this ad in the automotive section:
1991 Ford Ranger for Sale $2000 firstname.lastname@example.org
Sent: Monday, March 12, 2001 6:18 PM
Subject: Re: Pick-up for sale
I'm sorry, we can't run your ad for your truck. This is a MUSIC magazine. We don't even HAVE an automotive section. Have you actually ever read Riff? Let me know if you come up with something more appropriate.
Give my best to Danforth.
The Return of the Riff
I took a cab to Whiskey Bill's at 7260 W Colfax to see Shaft. Amongst the bar clientele, any flesh not covered by leather was covered with tattoos.
But he was looking at a brunette across the room, as if he really wasn't interested in kicking my ass. I let a loud and glorious fart next to him before slinking away. Shaft overpowered the sound, but they couldn't cover the stink.
A fight broke. One guy trying to strangle another. I looked for a place to hide. Eight other gentlemen jumped in and kicked the original two participants and each other until everyone was pooped out.
The fight ended. A grey-haired gentleman left the melee and approached me at the bar.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi?” I said.
“Mind gettin' your ass the hell outta my seat?”
I moved aside.
He said, “I oughtta kick yer fuckin' ass.”
Shaft didn't stink at all. In fact they were fabulous.
--Strapping Danforth, March 2001
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2001 1:18 PM
Tell Strapping I liked the article. I will need to work on some of the language though. Call me a prude, but I have kids reading this thing too. Don't want to piss off the parents more than I already have. Thanks so much and great job to both of you.